VAR Alternate History
Ever since VAR was introduced in 2017 it has been the source of much debate. Fans are unclear as to how it’s meant to be applied. Referees are unsure when they’re supposed to blow the whistle. The conspiratorially minded are convinced it’s just another tool to help the powerful teams, that VAR is just another ref for the rich clubs to pay off.
Instead of debating the latest VAR controversy this column will imagine a world where we’d had it all along. I ask, and then answer, the question of what football would have looked like if VAR had been around to correct some of the most notorious missed calls in football history.
A few ground rules before starting:
The call in question has to be able to be overturned by VAR. So a plain old terrible decision doesn’t count. For example, the referee in Mali-Tunisia at AFCON who blew the final whistle before the 90th minute.
Games that were unfair or unjust because of something like match fixing and corruption don’t qualify because VAR can’t make someone not take a bribe.
The overall level of butterfly-effect-ness counts. Basically, how many things would change if this one specific decision had gone the right way.
Frank Lampard’s Ghost Goal at the 2010 World Cup vs Germany
If Lampard’s, very much, legitimate goal had been counted then England would have come back from a two goal deficit in the 37th minute. Even more, they would have done it with two goals in a minute. If you think conceding two goals in a minute to tie a game doesn’t shift the momentum then you must not be a Roma fan (I am).
An incredulous Frank Lampard looks on as Manuel Neuer continues to play.
Here’s what would have happened:
Lampard’s goal stands. With the lead eliminated so quickly England gain confidence, convinced that their experience and talent will overpower the still unproven German squad. England fully control the second half and ultimately win the match 4-2.
This, of course, sets up a World Cup quarter final with Argentina. It is one of the most anticipated matches of the 21st century. In England the coverage is characterized by humility, respect for one’s opponent, and deep footballing knowledge. During the game a 22 year old Leo Messi is so overwhelmed by the constant comparisons to Diego Maradona that he drastically underperforms. His performance’s nadir comes in the 51st minute when he scores an own goal…with his hand. It is forever known as La Mano del Diablo.
In the semi finals England face Spain. They are run ragged in midfield by Xavi, Iniesta, Xabi Alonso, and Busquets. The scoreline is 2-0 to Spain but they give England nothing short of a footballing lesson.
The English FA, having been so close to the World Cup Final only to realize they were still so far from the world’s elite, order a total overhaul of the entire English youth system. Academies nationwide will now focus on technique, passing, and positional play. No English pundit ever again wonders if Xavi and Iniesta might struggle against Gareth Barry's physicality.
In the winter and spring of 2013, during his sabbatical in New York, Pep Guardiola, so impressed with the new footballing culture in England, decides he HAS to coach in the Premier League. With Sir Alex Ferguson's retirement imminent he campaigns for the Manchester United job incessantly. He repeatedly tells the press that his year off is the hardest he’s ever worked in his life, even harder than Barcelona’s home win against Osasuna the prior season.
Naturally, he gets the job. Manchester United—the biggest club in England—and Sir Alex—the greatest manager ever—perfectly execute their flawless succession plan. Man U continues its dominance in England but fails to win the Champions League; which Pep reminds the press, actually, isn’t even that big of a deal.
Meanwhile, with Germany’s premature exit from the 2010 World Cup, Thomas Muller never wins the Best Young Player and the Golden Boot at the tournament. Without these early career accolades he never believes in himself enough to think that his unusual body type and playing style can succeed at the international level.
Bayern Munich, sensing Muller's weak mentality decide they can’t rely on him and instead purchase, 21 year old, Mesut Özil from Werder Bremen. Who, after tasting defeat at such a young age, vows to never take his talent for granted. His newfound commitment to constantly improving himself combined with Bayern Munich's ultra professional environment make him the most dominant number 10 in the world. The rest of Özil’s long career is characterized by his intensity on the field and professionalism off it.
With Özil now the centerpiece of Bayern’s future, Muller is sold to treble holders Inter. Upon his arrival he’s hailed as the second coming of Lothar Matthäus. Instead he only manages to score one goal in 13 games before being shipped out on loan in January to Espanyol.
After 4 teams over the next 5 years–and somehow still being considered a youngster at 26–he revives his career at Everton in 2015. Before earning his big money move to Tottenham where he is an integral part of a hugely successful spell in the club’s history. The peaks of which include drawing a North London Derby in the last minute and topping the table in mid-November the season where Pep Guardiola’s Man U won the title with 100 points and zero losses.
La Mano de Dios
Diego Maradona famously scored a goal with his hand when he went up for a lobbed ball and punched it into the goal. In an effort to make sure the goal stood Maradona celebrated as if he’d just headed the ball. The referee did not disallow the goal. According to the rules he should have.
Diego Maradona punches the ball into Peter Shilton’s goal.
Here’s what would have happened:
In the 51st minute Diego Maradona and Peter Shilton both jump for a cross. Maradona, out of instinct, hits the ball with his hand which ends up in the back of the net. Knowing that VAR will call the goal back he quickly runs over to the referee and asks to be booked.
Rumors forever surround the play. Some contend that Maradona did it on purpose. Most fans consider this to be banter at best and character assassination at worst. Why would someone intentionally score with their hand? VAR would obviously disallow the goal.
In the 55th minute Maradona receives the ball in his own half, slightly to the right of the center circle. He spins, dribbles forward, beats 6 players, and scores the Goal of the Century.
For the rest of the game Argentina defend their lead. Which they do successfully until Gary Lineker scores in the 81st minute, leveling the game at 1-1. Maradona, sensing a shift in the game’s momentum and knowing that his team likely won’t be able to withstand the inevitable English onslaught in extra time, realizes he can’t wait.
From the ensuing kick-off he takes the ball and rather than play a back pass to the midfield immediately starts dribbling towards Shilton’s goal. Glen Hoddle, convinced he can win the ball off Maradona by out-muscling him, runs forward to meet the Argentine.
He does not win the ball.
With Hoddle now out of position, Maradona sees an opening. He darts towards Shilton’s goal. The English players are convinced lighting won’t strike twice.
It does.
Maradona dribbles past 7 players, including Shilton, before passing the ball into the net again.
The Azteca explodes.
Nine months later the rate of newborns with the name Diego increases 3,000% in both Mexico City and Buenos Aires. Urban legends say some of those newborns were conceived the exact moment the ball crossed the line. Despite an official attendance of 114,580 spectators, 10 million people remember exactly what it was like in the stadium when Maradona scored (the real) Gol del Siglo.
On the pitch Gary Lineker applauds. His gesture is hailed as the paragon of sportsmanship around the world. The Home Office revokes his citizenship before he even leaves the Azteca.
Lineker now works as a television pundit for ESPN Deportes in Argentina. He lives in Buenos Aires with his wife Dalma, their son Diego, and their daughter Diega.
The strangest part of Maradona’s second goal is he scored it with his right foot. People would go on to say the only thing stranger than seeing Maradona score a goal with his right is if he would have scored one with his hand.
The world of football may have missed out on the oddity of seeing a handball count as a goal but instead it got to see the greatest goal ever scored…twice.
Maybe it’s time to start looking at VAR that way. Not as something that takes away but as something that gives.