Fandom is the foundation of the professional sports world, the massive amount of money and attention pro sports garners is only possible because people feel a connection to the team they support. There is something to be said for watching a sport just for the sake of watching athletes at the highest level compete, it’s how I watch the NBA since my hometown Seattle Supersonics moved away, however that isn’t how most people interact with sports. Most people primarily watch sports when their favorite team plays, they’ll seek out articles and podcasts that talk about their team, and outside of that, they may not have a ton of interaction with the rest of the league unless they also play something like fantasy sports. Fandom is what makes the sports world go round, and my experience with it has been filled with many high and lows.

I support Manchester United, and it is my love for United that has gotten me to be fan of soccer in general. From World Cup and Euro games to Premier League clashes and Champions League battles, a lot of my fondest memories growing up are of watching two great teams fight it out on the pitch. I still will never forget where I was when Mario Götze propelled Germany to a World Cup victory, or when Sergio Ramos headed in the equalizer against Atletico Madrid at the dying breath in the Champions League final. However, I have found it more and more difficult to enjoy recent seminal moments in the sport, and I think it’s because of my relationship with Manchester United. Watching United’s games is an emotional experience, I’m usually either left feeling satisfied and hopeful or I feel like I’m diving head first into a bottomless pit of despair. With the way United have been playing recently, there’s been a lot of head first diving. After each disappointing game ends, I tell myself that I’m not gonna drag myself up at 6 AM to watch them give another spineless performance, yet each weekend I wake up to subject myself to 90 minutes of completely uninspired play. I’m saying all of this not to make you feel sympathy for me, but rather to say that I have recently found myself hating what my Manchester United fandom has done to me. Chelsea and Real Madrid played an incredible game in the Champions League recently, yet I couldn’t enjoy it because the entire time I was watching the game, I found myself lamenting why United’s players couldn’t play with at least half the tenacity and determination that the Chelsea and Madrid players were demonstrating. It was a similar story when it came to the recent Premier League clash between Liverpool and Manchester City, as I spent the duration of the game almost depressed at how big the gulf in quality clearly was between those two teams and United. City and Liverpool are a cut above everyone else in the league, and as a Manchester United fan it pains me to admit that. I wish I could just enjoy a great game between two great sides, but I fear that is becoming harder and harder to do. That right there is what the paradox of fandom is to me, the very thing that taught me to love this beautiful game is now pushing me away from it.