Starch Madness Presents: Ranked Starches (Tank Abbott)
Starch Madness Mascot: Starchibald Spudd
A series of articles appreciating some of the best knockouts in combat sports
Welcome to Starch Madness! This edition will be a continuation of a new format for this series. Multiple fights from one fighter will (USUALLY) be examined, appreciated, and judged on a 1-5 scale in areas of Creativity, Slickness, and Brutality. The fighter in the spotlight for this edition is Tank Abbott, who comes from the old lawless era of the UFC. An era where groin strikes took place unpunished by refs, no weightclasses, any form of clothing (including shoes) was allowed in the cage, and gloves were totally optional. An era the UFC has grown lightyears from, however, it is still worth revisiting and remembering just to remind fans how far the promotion and sport have come.
Tank Abbott (born David Abbott) is one of the pioneers of this fondly celebrated (by the older fans) period of the UFC’s genesis. He brought to the game a brash personality, rugged look, and an absolutely savage style of putting guys to sleep. He was also the first fighter to regularly wear what became the standard MMA gloves in his fights. He was known as a seasoned street fighter as he would fight anyone in the street at any given time. He was also an All-American junior college wrestler as he’d wrestled since he was nine years old all the way up to college.
The legend himself, Tank Abbott.
Tank would go on to be one of the most memorable fighters in the early UFC era as he delivered some of the most irrefutably violent knockouts in the company. Without further delay, let’s take a look at a few of them!
Tank Abbott x John Matua (UFC 6: Clash of the Titans)
This knockout came in the first round of Tank’s first fight in the UFC. He wore a pair of early MMA gloves, trunks, and wrestling shoes in the cage. He fought against John Matua who was also knew to the UFC at that time. The two men fought each other in what was the quarterfinals round of an eight man tournament that began and ended in one single of brutal combat action. Abbott took Matua in ferocious fashion in the first few minutes of the fight landing a rabid flurry of right hands until Matua was out cold.
Tank Abbott leveling John Matua
Abbott beating Matua senseless (different angle)
Seeing how Tank Abbott and anyone who is familiar with his work knows that he is not really much for Creativity nor Slickness in any of his performances, these knockouts will just be rated by Brutality instead of all three factors.
Brutality (4.4): This knockout is about as animalistic as it can get in a (semi) regulated combat sports fight. Tank is shown to be frantically spamming the right hand while his left hand seems to be around Matua’s neck holding his chin in place as Tank hammers away at it. It’s more than effective as Abbott knocks Matua stiff and still needed to be pulled off of him. He still lands one more “good riddance” shot to Matua’s dome even as John’s rendered rigor mortis stiff.
Tank Abbott x Wesley Correira 2 (Rumble on The ROck 7)
This fight came at a time in Abbott’s career where he looked to be a bit “over-the-hill” in terms of his capacity to deliver great performances like he did in his early days. He fought a much younger guy in a promotion that is little known to the public called Rumble on the Rock in Honolulu, Hawaii. Despite being a solid 40 years old at the time, Abbott was still able to deliver a monstrous knockout on Wesley Correira reminiscent of his heyday in the early UFC.
Tank Abbott decidedly snuffing Wesley Correira
Brutality (3.9): Tank’s ability to put dudes on the ground is outstanding. It isn’t just the fact that he can sit most dudes down with a punch but the fact that he can sit them down and make them stay there. Even when he has the opportunity for a nice respectable walk-off KO, he instinctually goes in to make sure the job is done.
Tank Abbott x Steve Nelmark (UFC: The Ultimate Ultimate 2 1996)
This next and final knockout comes from the UFC’s 1996 “Ultimate Ultimate 2” event. It happened in another tournament format event (which were pretty popular in the UFC’s early days). It was an eight man tournament, this time featuring the best winner and runner-ups from the past UFC tournament events up to that point.
This particular knockout is seared into the memory of all who’ve seen it as it lives as probably the most disturbing looking end result of a knockout in all of MMA. It is perhaps one of the most brutal knockouts in combat sports. It came against Steve Nelmark in the semi-finals of the Ultimate Ultimate tournament, which was again, started and completed in one night.
Abbott literally pretzeling a man with his fist
Abbott folding Nelmark like khakis from a closer angle
Brutality (5.0): Damn Tank….damn.
Where to begin with this one. There are just so many things bad about this knockout. It’s so bad that everything leading up to the actual knockout is basically rendered irrelevant because of how horrific the end result turns out to be. There have been thousands of knockouts in the UFC at this point and nearly none of them are even comparable to this utter atrocity. It’s inexplicable how Nelmark’s body even did that after he was knocked unconscious. This one was just…gross. Yet, it will always be a part of Tank’s legacy. Take that however you may.
Dude…
This wraps up another edition of Starched Rankings! These are a real treat to do and the format will be continuously played with and varied in different ways so if you are enjoying the content, keep your eyes out for that. Thanks very much for reading, and always keep those hands up!